Strugglilng

As I start to write yet another common post on my blog, I try to think of way to sound eloquent. To write words that people want to absorb into their very soul and have the desire to come back for more. But that is not what is on my mind, especially not today. JR's sister Rhonda came to town and put in hours and hours of work to turn JR's mom house into a home. She was on the home stretch when time ran out and she had to fly back to Oregon. The past week all I have wanted to do was to help. I am willing to put in the work but I am a package deal. I come with five kids and a limited amount of time. This has been very discouraging for me. I also wanted to help my neighbor work in her yard before her son gets home from his mission tomorrow.

My pack and I usually become more of a hindrance than a help so I have come to the conclusion that my place is definitely in the home. Not just any home, but our home. The chaos that erupts when we leave is traumatic for all. Everyone wants to pitch in and help which could be a good lesson for kids to learn but, by the time we are done helping there is more mess than there was to begin with.

Ya know the saying there is a time and season for everything... well this is the season of only doing activities that will decrease the chaos instead creating more. Parks...good... swimming... good. Construction and painting...bad. Now I know my limits and I am willing to stick to them.

Someday I will have the time to move out of my circle of chaos but I think that will be years in the future when my kids are older and my house is clean (ha ha). For now I will love and teach my children in a contained environment that will allow me to focus on their well being and cause the least amount of pain to others.

New Girls

Ok so I am a little behind in posting on my blog, but after reading other blogs I think I need to be a little more consistent. So here is the update... As we anxiously awaited at the Salt Lake air port March 12, two little girls arrived from Tennessee to become part of our family forever. I know the girls weren't exactly what I expected and apparently I wasn't what they expected either.
Indi was a blond haired, green eye, little ball of energy. And Sara was a very shy, tall, skinny two year old. They clung to their uncle with uncertainty and we walked to the van to make the drive to their new home. Indi commented that she thought I would be skinny like her other mom. Sara stayed quiet with her eyes wide in tense observation. The boys tried hard to be on their best behavior, which lasted about a day.
Since that first day of anxious energy, things have become more relaxed and familiar to everyone. There are tantrums and fighting with a mixture of hugs and kisses from everyone. The love for the girls didn't come instantly, it grew slowly and has blossomed into a very protective and sincere kind of love. I look forward to the day the adoption is final and we can be sealed to them for eternity.
Needless to say the past couple of months have been busy and time to do hobbies has become almost extinct. Now my time is up, JR is home and the kids are hungry.

Obituaries

Do you ever read the obituaries and think, "I need to be a better person." I do. I read this obituary tonight of a 25 year old man that had cancer and had accomplished some amazing things in his short life. I think of my accomplishments, and there are a couple of them, and I know I am capable of so much more. The person I want to be and the person I am today are not the same. I have a lot of work to do and it is time I quit messing around on facebook and get started being the person I could be instead of the person I am.

Family News

Dallin Nevaeh and Mickelle made it safely to Georgia and they are doing well. I really appriciate Aunt Brenda for making the transition so easy and welcoming us into her home. I miss the kids and want to call all the time but I know they need time to settle into thier new life. We do have our own new additions to our house. Indi who is 5 and Sara who is 2 came into our lives Saturday. It has been fun having little girls again. We decided to have them call us mom and dad right off the bat because we are planning on adopting them in six months. They get along well with the boys. Sara is into everything, I feel like I chase her around all day keeping her out of drawers and cabinets and anything else she can get into. We got Indi into school and I think she is doing ok, I still need to call her teacher and see how she is doing. Indi came with a lot of information about bad behaviors so I keep waiting for something to happen and so far she had been good, maybe when she becomes more comfortable we will see some behavior issues but for now I am just going to enjoy the sweet little girl that has joined our family.